Extraordinary Girls

I am lying in recovery after my laparoscopy, unsure as to how I am ever going to get up and successfully pee again, when she texts me. I am still anaesthesia drunk and I probably shouldn’t be allowed to text, but here I am. Within minutes she has called me a layabout, demanded I save her a biscuit and added “haha kidding” to her text as though I wouldn’t know this is just the way we talk. Considering that previously we’ve used a chocolate Easter bunny as simulacrum for women’s rights and victim blaming in an entire text conversation, I am unsurprised by her particular brand of comedy at this juncture. She is my best friend, has been since we were fourteen, and she is using this particular brand of humour because she knows that I need it to distract me from the fact that I am terrified of having gone through surgery, only to find that I do not have endometriosis – because I need a reason, desperately, for this pain I feel. We joke so that I do not focus too closely on the lump forming in my throat as I try not to cry. We laugh so that I remember, no matter what, I have her. That’s the way it’s always been, she has my back and I have hers. Not talking about it can be just as helpful as talking, and she knows the difference. She is who I share everything with, good and bad, knowing that whatever it is we can face it together. When I want to forget about my problems, or she hers, she is always up for fun, or ice cream. We can fill endless hours with our conversation, never tiring, and sometimes stopping only because the cafe lights have turned off, or the hour has passed midnight. Neither of us have siblings, and so we are sisters of another kind.

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It starts with a seemingly shy girl with gorgeous hair who asks me if I am here for PSYC1030. I say yes and ask if she is too. She says yes. We breathe the communal sigh of relief that is two first year students thankful that they have not committed the embarrassment that is stepping into the wrong class, and then having to extricate themselves from said class as casually as possible. Then I meet two other girls in stats class, one of them offers blueberries to the PSYC1030 girl. A squad is born. Each time we go out, we add another girl, until our squad is five strong, sometimes six. We plan timetables to be in classes together, pour over endless study notes, and eat our weight in pizza and Chinese food to help the process along. We somehow lack the talent for organising nights out, but still make them happen anyway, after long and arduous group chat conversations where we try and pin everyone down on the same night before the inevitable question of where to go throws everyone, as though we won’t just end up at Bamboo Basket or The Satay Hut as always. Each girl has their own beautiful soul that makes me so happy to be part of the group, because we are close, even when we are apart. There is the girl who can always tell when there is something up with me, even when I’m trying to hide it, and lets me know by looking at me seriously and saying “Danniiiii”, while we both try not to laugh. There is another who watches all the same television shows I do, and naturally we must share our completely valid opinions of every character on a week to week basis, even as we hear everyone else getting bored. Despite this layer of fun and superficiality, she is also the one that turns to me seriously and says: “you know you can tell me anything, right?”, before going back to our discussions of Grey’s Anatomy. Then there is the sweet girl with the blueberries that joined us all together. Her love of tea, candles, and all things wonderful fills me with endless joy, and every time we meet I am met with an optimistic eyebrow raise and casual question of whether I have anything to report, and by report she means dates for her to live vicariously through. The both of us end up living vicariously through one of the other girls anyway, and so we are happy together in our wholesome little bubble where books and candles are way better than dates anyway. She always has an understanding ear and a kind word for everyone, and being near her is like being in the sun; perfectly warm and bright. They are my beautiful squad, ready for anything, and always there when needed, and have been there for all of my endo dramas with sympathetic ear, and necessary snacks. When I’d rather be in bed because I’m in pain, I still drag myself up to go out with them, because they’re worth it – and sometimes the pain is easier to bear with them around. Even though we are scattered by circumstance, we remain the twisted sisterhood, always there for whatever each other needs.

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She is one of many endo sisters I have been fortunate enough to gain through my work with QENDO. We like the same music, share the same profession, and know what it is like to experience unimaginable pain and still somehow get through the day. She is the most tenacious person I know, which is always great news for QENDO because when there is a goal in mind, she gets what she wants. She is braver and moves faster than I, which means that sometimes I am dragged along into things I hadn’t planned on doing but am so glad when I do. She has an understanding ear, but is quick to pull me into reality when I need to take better care of myself, not letting me forget that I have to look after myself if I have any hope of looking after my patients. She is fiercely loyal, hilariously funny, and admirably passionate. There is no one I would rather work with on a project, vent to about a crappy shift, or share dinner with even when I should probably cook. I am lucky to have met and grown close to such a person in a short time, and have many more endo sisters like her who lift me up each day.

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Living with endometriosis is no easy feat, it presents challenges one never knew existed, and tries the very limits of mental and physical strength, It is a feat that requires teamwork, but finding the right team can be the biggest ask of all. Having endo can be an isolating experience, finding people who understand what it’s like to experience it and who are supportive even if they don’t know is an understandably difficult task. Yet it shouldn’t be, because one in ten women have endometriosis – surely there should be an abundance of people around who understand. Sadly this isn’t always the case, as endometriosis has only recently begun to break through into mainstream thought, media, and conversation in a big way. We have the generations of women who came before us to thank for fighting to get us to this place, as well as the current generation of endo sisters who are tirelessly working for recognition and education. There are still so many women going it alone on the endo front, and it shouldn’t have to be this way.

I have been blessed with understanding friends who supported me before I was diagnosed, and educated themselves once  was, so that I know I don’t have to hide my endo from them – it is part of me, and so part of my friendship with them. In joining QENDO I also found home with an entirely new sisterhood of other women with endometriosis, who understand first hand what it is like to do battle with this thing we call endo for years on end. We share a passion for creating change and educating others, as well as providing much needed support. I felt embraced from the first time I attended an EndoMeet by women who pour their heart and soul into helping others, and so naturally I wanted to become one of them.

The importance of having an endo team cannot be overemphasised, and that team includes not just the friends and family who help you get through your days, but the health professionals that help you manage your endo. If I’ve learnt anything from QENDO, and nursing, it’s the importance of the multidisciplinary team and having more than one person to turn to for a complex problem. When I admit a patient to a ward, I do not work alone, I have doctors, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, social workers, and many other professionals I can turn to in order to create the most holistic experience I can for patients. One person cannot handle the task alone, you need others, because we all have our own knowledge base and experiences that can contribute. Endometriosis treatment can be thought of in the same way. Your health professionals are members of your team and part of your endo toolbox, which you can draw upon to help manage the challenges presented by this complex disease process. Don’t allow yourself to be alone when you can have your very own endo team. I’ve got mine, who will be yours?